tick tick tick...

I'm so sick and tired of stressing daily over moving (and not even knowing where to attribute my stress to). I know I'm being a baby about it, and that people move for jobs all the time. But why does it seem like so many other people are able to find jobs near their home or family?

It doesn't help that I'm pregnant, and already at my stress limit hoping my pre-eclampsia doesn't occur again. For those of you that don't know/remember, I moved down to Utah about 2 days before I was admitted to the hospital at 26 weeks with Emmett. I didn't have an OB (I planned on having plenty of time to find one), or even know where the nearest Urgent Care was (We ended up driving to one somewhat far away and subsequently I ended up at a hospital in Orem instead of the one right by us in Provo. I had to be transferred). I didn't have any family here, or know anyone to call in for blessing. When a doctor DID come to take care of me, he had never seen me before in his life and didn't realize that I bore almost no resemblance to my actual self. Did I mention the boxes at our apartment still hadn't even been unpacked?

Needless to say, it was crazy stressful and traumatic. My comforting thought with this pregnancy was "this time I'm going have highly experienced doctors following me all the way through, and it will be nothing like last time". I know we're supposed to have faith in the Lord's timing, but sometimes I'm just like "really?! A possible move right around that 26 week period AGAIN?" I really try to remain positive but it's so easy to spiral into a myriad of anxious thoughts "What if the exact same thing happens? What if I've just moved away from my family again at the time I need them most? What if I'm admitted to the hospital and have no one around to watch Emmett? ... and on and on and on.

On top of those stresses, I seem to have found a million more to lose sleep over. Will I like the place we live? Will we be safe? ... Really there's a million other questions I come up with but they all boil down to those first two. "Liking" the place I live entails so many things.. the weather, the landscape, the proximity to family, the size, the community etc.

Sometimes I feel like I picture our happy little family settling into a place like this:

and doing things like this

and this

and this

While Jared pictures us content somewhere like this

doing this

and this

I realize that both have their perks, and as long I have my family we can make ourselves happy anywhere. It's just a little nervewracking to know that inside we gravitate towards different things. 

But MORE importantly than any of those things, I picture myself near THIS

and this

Ultimately in MY perfect world, I realize to stay near family we'll be staying in a colder, mountainous climate (we're in Utah after all)... BUT if I CAN'T have family, I at least want the weather as consolation!!

If you're still reading, congratulations, you have survived today's venting session. I have so much stress pent up inside me I can't promise it will be the last! But cross your fingers we will end up somewhere great, safe, happy, and my baby will not make a surprise arrival again!!