tate the great (part 2)

Luckily I had decided his name moments before being wheeled back. We had been deliberating between three names, and before surgery I told Jared, " I think he should be Tate Farrell". Farrell is my middle name, which is a little unconventional for a son, but it is so fitting.

This pregnancy was such a trial of faith for me, and I grew so much (in every aspect!) in those 8 months. Not to mention I went through hell (maybe literally since we reached 118 this summer) to get him here! As i laid in my hospital bed, the chance of a future daughter to carry my name seemed to be slipping farther away, but this baby - he was mine. He was a product of my blood, sweat, tears, and unrelenting faith, and he was beautiful.

As the tugging started to get stronger, I knew the baby had to be close. I could feel the pressure and knew he must be close to the surface, but I hadn't heard any noise yet. I started to panic a little. Why didn't I hear crying? I looked up at the doctors to see if they were concerned, but they had their heads down and were working like a machine. Then it came: Tate's wonderful, beautiful little cry, announcing his arrival into the world. That cry is always the most emotional part. You hear your baby's little voice as he tells you hello for the very first time. "I'm okay mom! I'm here!" :-)

The doctors held him up above the curtain for me to see and tears flooded my eyes. He was a real baby! Still tiny, but just a miniature newborn, with a head of dark hair! I arched my neck and followed him over to the bed where they cleaned him up, checked his vitals, then finally swaddled him and put on his hat. A nurse brought him over for our first official introduction.

All I could do was stare. And smile. And cry. And stare. Then he was headed off the NICU. The last thing I was concious of was the doctors counting all their tools aloud (which kind of disturbed me a little). And then... I was out.

I awoke to little flashes of reality. The southern doctor was back and kept pushing on down hard on my stomach (ouch).

"Sorry baby, you're passing some pretty big clots. We need to stop the bleeding"

*back out*

This time an asian nurse that looked like Brenda Song (my sisters and all you Disney fans out there will know who I'm talking about!) was pushing down on me. She was also messing with my arm the IV was in, which was painful. So much for letting a wounded girl rest... haha. I looked over and saw Jared sitting in a chair next to me.

*back out*

I opened my eyes and saw Kirsten next to me this time. She had brought the diaper bag she'd finished packing for me. She said Emmett had been asking for me, and wanted to know if she should bring him back. I missed that little guy but was fighting the recovery wave and was not quite in condition yet. I could hardly stay lucid for more than 5 minutes. I looked down at my arm which I felt throbbing and saw it had been replaced with a giant, inhuman extremity.

"It looks a LOT better than it did", Kirsten said. "Your IV got infected."

Wonderful....

*back out*

Finally I was getting transported back to my room. By this time my family had arrived from Utah. They started driving as soon as they got word I was headed to surgery. Love them! I remember my Dad being there and telling me how good I'd done (funny, that was one of my first memories from last time too). And I remember Jared showing up with the one request I'd had when I was wheeled back to surgery. ("When I wake up I want a big snowcone from Bahama Mama's!") I could not have been more thrilled. I hadn't had a drink in forever (in prep for surgery) and that shaved raspberry ice tasted like heaven. Jared showed me pictures and video of Tate and told me he was doing well. I briefly said hello to the rest of my family and visited for a little bit before nodding off for the night.

*back out*

Next thing I knew my night nurse, a nice older german lady who introduced herself as Margarete. was waking me up. It was about 4 am. My anesthesia and pain meds had worn off and I was acutely aware of the slice across my abdomen. "I know it's going to hurt, but I have to get you up to walk around to keep the blood moving".  I don't remember doing this last time, but my gosh was it PAINFUL! I felt my recently stitched incision with every breath and slow, small step. I was determined however to heal as quickly as possible, and not be stuck in the hospital another week like I was after Emmett. I laid down proud of myself and drifted off to sleep.

I continued to get stronger each day. I was fighting off a fever as well, which had resulted from my infected IV. I made frequent trips up to visit my little Taters, who was holding up like a champ. I only had to wait one day to hold him this time as opposed to a month! It was wonderful.

Luckily since it wasn't sick season, the NICU visiting policies we not as strict as Emmett's stay. My Dad, Caysen, and Kirsten had to be back for school/work so they had to leave the next day, and my Mom, Kendall, and Kaity got to stay a couple more. I was so glad they all were able to meet Tate before leaving. 

There's something so special about introducing your baby to your family. You can see in their faces they love him *almost* as much as you. It's a really touching link to share the love of this tiny human, and finally understand the feelings your parents have about you.

By Wednesday August 14th, I was finally able to go home. Leaving the hospital with a baby in the NICU is always bittersweet. I'd been so antsy to leave and counting down the days, but I still started to tear up when we drove away. It doesn't feel right going home without your baby. You feel cruel leaving it alone, even though you don't have a choice. The mom guilt was already setting in and making me feel guilty that I was so anxious to go home and be with Emmett, yet I was leaving tiny little Tate alone.

Fortunately this time I was able to remind myself, it was a very temporary situation. It was only a matter of weeks (or so I thought at the time, but it ended up being days!) til Tate would be home with us. As I watched the hospital fade out of view in my rear view mirror, I was washed over by a wave of gratitude. Just as promised, it had all worked out. I was watched over. Tate was watched over. Emmett never spent a single second abandoned or alone (without family) , despite the fact that we live 10+ hours away from the nearest family member. I almost had to chuckle to myself. After spending nearly a year almost giving myself an ulcer, turns out Heavenly Father really DID have a plan. And I'm so glad I had the strength to follow it.

Cause it gave me tiny, perfect Tate.

the ending of a chapter

Writing those words are so sad! Life in little Provo, Utah has been such a happy, wonderful chapter in our life, and to say moving on from it was hard is an understatement. The past few months have been such a blur - A whirlwind of phone calls, doctor appointments, moving boxes, family get togethers, excitement and tears.

Here's a look our "final pages" in Provo, if you will.

 

When Uncle Jake came down for a visit, we spent a morning up at Bridal Veil Falls. Couldn't leave without saying goodbye to the beautiful canyon! 

*Also, somewhere up that mountain lies the remains of Jakes skinny corduroys, which he naively decided were great attire for climbing up the falls.

Before we knew it, our little house was all packed up, and everything we had to our name was shoved in the back of a truck.

It's so weird knowing your entire life can be contained in this:

Since Jared and his parents headed down a couple days ahead of Emmett and I, we said our final goodbyes to our home.

After a quick kiss and a "See you in Arizona", I cried watching Jared turn the corner in our Grand Prix for the very last time.

 

(yes, I documented it)

I am so grateful for all the friends, family, and members of our church who helped make this move possible. Between the quickness of the move and my pregnancy, we wouldn't have been able to do it without you!!

 

Emmett and I got to spend a couple days at Gramby's house before our flight, and Kaity and Rusty even came and stayed too so it was a grand ol' party.

We decided to go to Hogle Zoo on Saturday.

There's no shortage of pictures - last day remember??

 

 

There was a LEGO exhibit going on while we are there, and the top two pictures are a couple of their displays. They were pretty cool! The trick was convincing Emmett he couldn't ride that Polar Bear... he was pretty upset about that. He was also into the "Scuba Steve" outfit more than any of the animals... Go figure.

While we are/ have been excited for our new chapter, closing one is never easy. Thanks for a wonderful few years Provo!

we'll raise our colors high in the blue, we're the cougars of BYU...!!

So much has happened in the past little while, it's hard to know where to start! It all got set in motion a couple months ago (was it really only a couple months ago??) when Jared wrapped up his Masters in Engineering (Woohoo! Go Jared!)

I was able to attend seminar the day he presented and watch him do his thing! It was such an extensive project - he worked around the clock on it for nearly 2 years and spent a lot of time out on site He did a great job. Doesn't he look so official?

That night we went and celebrated his huge accomplishment at PF Changs with my sisters

About a month later it REALLY became official, when Jared walked and received his Degree.

It was neat because Kirsten and Rusty both graduated as well! So it was a big day in the Whittaker household!

I am so proud of all you guys for your hard work! I know how hard Jared worked for this moment, and am glad we were able to celebrate it with all our family.

 BYU has been such an important marker in our life - during our time here we've had our first child (well ALMOST two!), learned many life lessons, strengthened invaluable relationships with family, and created lifelong friendships with those in our neighborhood. I think Ziggy Ansah summed it up best when he said "I didn't just go through BYU - BYU went through me." We will miss you BYU and will forever carry you in our hearts <3 p="">

trucks, tools, and tractors, oh my!

Our little bug turned THREE last Saturday. I still can't believe it. It was only fitting to throw him a "truck party" since he worhips anything with an engine. Particularly rescue vehicles lately - firetrucks, police cars, helicopters, ambulances.. they fascinate him. He knew his truck party was coming, and asked me every morning the preceding week if it was here yet :)

I was particularly proud of his birthday cake. His face lit up with excitement when I showed it to him. The trick was getting him to leave it alone until the party started!

His favorite activity is just some good ole fashioned playtime with friends, so we turned on his favorite DVD (Truck Tunes), pulled out his train set and his bin of cars and trucks, and let the boys go wild. I had plans for another favorite pastime of his, play doh, but once the boys were playing with their vehicles - there was no distracting them.

He was overwhelmed by all his fun presents, and didn't know which ones to play with! He cleaned up quite nicely: a web-shooting spiderman glove, silly string, a slinky, a sticky hand, a nerf gun, Cat in the Hat book and stuffed animal, ParaNorman DVD, Lightning McQueen dishes, a chainsaw with googles, a Tonka rescue "copter", and a trampoline!! Talk about a lucky boy!!

I love this picture!

We had a fun game of "Pin the Stop Sign on the Construction Site". There is actually a designated spot it was supposed to go on, but one of the boys covered it.

And then Emmett got to blow out his special cupcake. He just kept spinning in a circle looking at everyone singing to him with the biggest grin on his face. He was beyond happy. It was the cutest thing.

But perhaps the best part of the party, was watching Emmett sneak up and pelt Jared and my Dad with his Silly String :)

The party was a success and Emmett had a blast (which of course was the ultimate goal). Now I just have to come to terms with the fact my baby is another year older.

Sure do love this guy

the first getaway

Sometimes I feel like life is a crazy rat race and I try and try to get everything done in the day, but somehow only ever manage to accomplish like 60% of what I'd like to do, and so the cycle continues on and on...

One of the things on my neverending list is getting caught up to date on the blog, so I can quit doing boring catch-up posts, and actually write something worth reading.

Well I haven't quite made it to the latter yet, but here's one step closer to catching up!

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Jared and I went on our first overnight trip at the end of June. We spent the night up in a nice resort in Midway as an early celebration for our Anniversary. Here's a shot of the view on the drive up.

Can't you just smell the mountain air looking at it??

Our room had a box of chocolate dipped strawberries waiting for us, which I was pretty excited about.

Unbeknownst to us, this cute little vacation town shuts down at 8pm. Like really shuts down. So Jared and I had to go on a wild goose chase looking for something to eat. The only thing we could find open was a Domino's pizza carry-out. So we took our pizza back to our room and laughed about the grand, romantic meal we were having on our special anniversary getaway.

Aside from that little hiccup - it felt so amazing to just sit back in the jacuzzi and/or sauna and have nothing on my mind. And especially amazing because it was the coolest hot tub I've ever been in.

(yes thats a tree coming out of the waterfall)

I also spent some time basking in the sun on a lawnchair (one of my favorite things *which I literally had not done since before Emmett was born!! There is no lounging on his watch!) However, Idaho boys apparently don't know how to appreciate a good lay in the sun... I guess you can't blame them - what opportunity do they have to practice it? So my basking was short-lived. Yet still glorious.

After the dinner adventure, we figured we had a little room to splurge on the resorts gourmet breakfasts (which were delicious but disappointingly small. Your buck doesn't go far here).

 

We finished the day out by biking the hills of Midway (a real rush on the way down, but boy did uphill suck!), racing down the Alpine Slides, and shopping at the Park City Outlets.

We came to the consensus that little, even local, getaways are a necessity in any relationship. It was just a nice recharge - and honestly was one of the only times we had nothing to worry about besides enjoying each others company. So here's to (hopefully) many more anniversary trips to come!