Wednesday Confessional

I decided it would be fun to to "divulge" something personal or unknown about myself every Wednesday. At least until I run out of secrets that is... haha. So here we go!

#1- I get really affected by my nightmares

What is it with dreams? Why do we have them? Why do they seem to have such a grasp on our minds? I've always wanted to keep a dream journal, but have never gone through with it because it's too much work.

The other night I had a dream that my Dad and little brother were driving and got in a car accident. I actually saw the car crash in my dream.  I woke up panicked and still can't shake the feeling. It can take me a week (sometimes even longer) to get a dream pushed from my mind. I think I must be a highly anxious person because I start having feelings like, "If I dreamed it, maybe it's going to happen" or "Maybe it's trying to warn me about something". The morning after the dream I went to church, and a lot of the talks/lessons dealt with death and eternal families, and I couldn't help but feel a sinking in my stomach. The next day, I learned that a close family friend had been moved to hospice because her fight with cancer was nearing an end. All those things combined have left me feeling kind of on edge the past couple days. Like there's a ticking clock, and some unknown tragedy is bound to happen.

About a year ago, I kept having a recurring dream. I had never had one before, and kind of just thought they only existed in movies for drama's sake. The exact details of the dream weren't always the same, but the story never changed. It was always me and another member of my family in the dream, but the person kept changing. We would somehow always hear someone being murdered (either in the next hotel room, outside the window, etc). Then it was always just implied in the dream, that whoever the killer was- was coming for us next, and we had no escape. I'd have a moment of panic, my heart stopping, and that's where I always woke up. I would have almost rathered that the dream continued on, no matter what the ending, because leaving me hanging right at that point had me waking up every morning with a feeling of despair I couldn't get rid of! The dream doesn't sound like it's anything particularly terrifying when I repeat it back now, but it was how vivid the dreams were, and how real the emotions I felt during it were. Emotions that seemed to linger throughout the next day, then I'd go to sleep and it would happen all over again.

It got to a point where I would avoid sleep. I wouldn't want to sleep because I knew what would happen when I closed my eyes. It was wearing down on me. I worked full time and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to me. I ended up googling "recurring dreams" one night, curious about what kind of information/remedies would come up. I found a common response that basically said "The emotion you experience in your dream is one that is trying to to work it's way from your subconcious to to your concious mind. Once you can pinpoint the source you are getting this emotion from in real life, it will go away." I thought "whatever, psychology mumbo jumbo", but at this point I was getting desperate. I thought about how I felt in the dream when I know the killer is on his way towards me. Helpless. Powerless. Then I thought "Is there anything that would cause me to feel that way in real life?" Oddly enough, the answer I came up with was being homesick.  It was our first year of marriage, my first time without leaving Rexburg every few months for school breaks, and my first holidays away from home. I was having a hard time with the fact that my entire family was enjoying the California summer, while I slaved away in an office in Idaho. It was the first time that I wasn't in control of seeing my own family. We had to clear days with my work, his work, his school, make sure it didn't conflict with things his family already had planned, and then there was the obstacle of Jared and I agreeing how long we'd stay once we got there. It felt like everyone but me could decide when I saw my family and how long I could see them for.

The weirdest part is... I didn't have the dream that night! Or ever again for that matter. So was it that psycho analysis that did the trick? Maybe. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I was glad to get back to nights of peaceful slumber.

As I was finishing this post, Emmett fell asleep in my arms. Then all of the sudden he jumped awake, eyes wide, both arms flailing to the side...then drifted back off to sleep. Haha I guess the nightmares start young... poor guy!!

The First Grub

Emmett ate food like a big boy for the first time on Friday! He had a fine cuisine of oatmeal cereal. His first reaction was priceless, a look of joy and confusion all at once. I don't have a picture because we were filming with the video camera. Maybe if I'm feeling really ambitious one day, I'll post the video. It only took him about two bites to get the technique down, and then he was chowing down with big smiles on his face!

Dad got in on the feeding action too of course. We have a natural eater on our hands! I have a feeling Emmett & Food are quickly going to become best friends!

Redemption

...and you didn't think I was serious. Pedicure reinstated :-) 

Yours Truly

I never wanted my blog to become one of those that only posts pictures and updates about their babies, that no one particularly cares to read besides family. I am realizing though how quickly it's becoming that way. It's hard because you are so excited and in love with your little bundle of joy that you can't help but gush! And let's be honest, what life of her own does a stay at home mom really have left in that first while after bringing a new baby home? Unless you want to read about how walking to the mailbox to check the mail, and going to the dumpster on the other side of the parking lot have become eventful enough that I actually look forward to it each day?

It is late and both Jared and Emmett are asleep. I should probably be sleeping too, but it's hard to close my eyes when this moment of pure, interrupted peace is so rare. And so, for the sake of my blog, and for that little part of "me" that is down there hibernating somewhere, I am going to try to dig down deep and post what little I can pick out of my brain that doesn't have to do with bills, diapers, Jareds school schedule, or the sink full of dirty dishes.

Yesterday while I was clearing out the last of the medical bills I've had stacked up on my kitchen counter (yes, I had so many that it's taken me 8 months to deal with all of them. Thank goodness the state is footing the bill for my million dollar baby!), I came across three giftcards to Target clear back from our wedding. When we moved to Utah I wanted to bring them with us just in case there was a balance on any of them. I got online and found out that I had $90 on one of them! I was totally surprised, and so grateful I fought the urge to chuck them! So tonight we went to Target and bought a whole bunch of bath/toiletry items we're out of, and the board game Stratego. An entire cart full of stuff and not a penny out of my bank account! I was stoked. Not to mention, I'm a product junkie so my new bath stuff gives me a little bit of excitement. There's just something about new conditioner to wash your hair with, and new shaving cream to shave your legs with that gives a girl something to look forward to!

Speaking of beauty stuff, this past weekend I splurged and went and got a pedicure with my sister Kaity. And here I am 4 days later, the nail polish is already missing off my big toe and my pinky toe! I am so mad! Who pays $25 to have nail polish put on that lasts 3 days? I could have got better results with a 99 cent bottle of nail polish at home! And it's not like I've spent money and time on myself often lately, which just makes me that much madder! I think I'm going to march back down to the nail salon and tell them their nail polish was poor quality and insist that they repaint my toes! I don't mess around.

I recently read "The Other Boleyn Girl" and have since been fascinated by the history of Anne Boleyn. She was King Henry VIII's mistress who schemed to work herself into the Queens's throne, and eventually ended up getting executed with charges of adultery, incest, and even witchcraft. It was alleged that Anne wanted so badly to carry the Kings son (and thus ensure her position as queen) that she slept with her brother George hoping he could impregnate her. Both she and George were beheaded along with an entire group of men at court, with accusations that Anne had committed adultery with them all. It is still unknown whether these accusations have any truth. It is possible that Anne was so determined to rise to power that  she basically "sold her soul to the devil", but then again Henry VIII had about seven wives during his life (at least I think it's seven) and had to find ways to get rid of the old one when he found a new replacement. So who knows? I just don't think she really could have done that, I'm skeptical. If she did, she puts todays golddiggers to shame!

Anyway I should probably go to bed but thanks for listening to the ramblings of my crazy, chaotic mind! Hopefully it was somewhat entertaining. Until next time!

Excitement in the Exersaucer

Could he get any cuter?

Camp Erickson

I didnt take this picture, but I just wanted to give a visualization!

This past weekend we traveled up to Idaho for the first time in almost 8 months (since Emmett's been born)! We had an Erickson family reunion up in Ashton at Rock Creek Girls Camp. I forgot how beautiful Idaho is in the summer. You just can't beat all that gorgeous green backdropped by sunsets that almost look unreal. You can count at least five different colors in them, they look like they're straight out of a painting. Although the scenery definitely struggles 6 months out of the year, the other 6 are breathtaking!

This trip was a BIG step for us. I spent weeks fretting over how it was going to go. Up until this, Emmett had never gone farther than a half hour from home, and never been around more than maybe 15 people at once. This weekend we traveled four hours, and had to have visited over 50 people. I'm not sure if people realize that for me it's not just as simple as "oh all babies have to get sick at some point." For months in the NICU it was drilled into my brain that exposure to germs or sickness could literally equal something as severe as death for my baby. That's all I've ever really known. So imagine having that mindset, and taking your baby to a reunion with 40+ people, including tons of kids and toddlers (who we all know are notorious for carrying around tons of germs and not washing their hands). THEN imagine how tense I was when these little kids ran up and grabbed Emmett's hands (which are perpetually stuck into his mouth)!

In addition to those concerns, I was worried about how Emmett would do with all the driving (he is not the fondest of his carseat or sitting still for that matter). I was worried about him being out in the sun all day long. And the Doctor told me before I left that he really shouldn't be exposed to too many mosquitos and his time outdoors should be limited. Wonderful (mosquitos are really bad up in Ashton this time of year, and obviously the whole reunion was outdoors). I was even worried about how he would sleep, and if he'd be up all night crying because he was in a place he didn't recognize.

But Emmett (and I) did great! He did the car ride like a champ, and may even be beginning to enjoy it! woo hoo! I brought up his bassinet and I think the familiarity helped him sleep really well. I kept him well covered from mosquitos, kept a little OFF fan with us wherever we went, and made sure to leave by dusk when they started to get really bad. Amazingly, both he and I made it out of there with NO mosquito bites, which is quite the feat up there! Unfortunately despite all my precautions, Emmett did end up coming down with a cold, which we are hoping does not develop into anything else and heals quickly.

Emmett with Grandpa Rex. See the Resemblance?

                                                    

But moving on to the reunion, we had a great time! We visited with lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles that we don't get a chance to see very often. We watched the guys play lots of Ultimate frisbee, football, and other lawn games (Jared played pretty intensely, and I think regretted it afterward hahah). We ate tons of YUMMY food (the Ericksons are famous for that), and went to Horseshoe Lake and canoed one day. We also put on quite the skit for Saturday night entertainment if I do say so myself! Did anyone get pictures or video?? I wish I would have thought of that at the time! It was the deal where one person lays on the ground, and the other person straddles over them hiding their legs, so it looks like their legs are really the persons lying on the ground and they're super flexible (are you following me?) Anyway, Sarah, Sherri, and I were the legs, and Gabby, Emily, and Jared were the tops. We started out with some yoga stretches, then transitioned into a great dance routine that me and Emily choreographed to "I need a Hero" (the 80s song on Footloose). Jared dancing with my legs on bottom had to have been quite the sight. I wish I could have seen it. haha!

All in all, the trip was a success! Emmett loves the outdoors, so he was content with all the new scenery to take in. Everything went pretty smooth and I was so relieved. He also got to wear some of his hand-me-down winter clothes, which he hasn't been able to down in Provo since it's so warm. He looked A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E in them! I snapped a pic of a couple of his outfits for you :-) I really wish I would have taken more pictures, but I was pretty preoccupied and needed an extra set of hands!

The Best Two Years... (So Far)

This past Sunday, August 22nd, marked Jared and I's two year Anniversary!
* (Sidenote: That's 2 for 2 years that we have spent our Anniversary at Family Reunions, so all you fam out there reading this...mark this day on your calendars!) haha.

We had a really great weekend up in Idaho, which is definitely worthy of its own post so I won't give out the details just yet!

It's so crazy to think it's really already been two whole years. I feel like our wedding was just 6 months ago! But then I think of all we've done/accomplished/been through.... and then I think... How does that all fit into 2 years?! 

Here's the noteworthy things that happened since we tied the knot in 2008: 

• I began working my first post-college job for the City of Rexburg, working in the Building Dept/Planning & Zoning (I actually started about 4 months before we got married, but it still played a huge role in our first years of marriage)
• We decided together that Civil/Environmental Engineering was a better fit for Jared than Business, and changed his major
• We were called as Nursery leaders in church where we stayed for about 1.5 years! (way too long for Nursery! haha)
• We found out I was pregnant right around our first anniversary!
• Jared got accepted to transfer into BYU's Engineering program for Winter 2010
• We did our first move together as a couple, and packed up and headed down to Cougartown (aka Provo)
• Shortly thereafter, we found out I was pre-eclampsic and was admitted to the hospital
• 4 days later our miracle baby, Emmett Jared Erickson, was born at 1 pd, 15 oz
• We survived 3 months of being in the NICU, and developed an even deeper bond with one another
• We brought little Emmett home to the new apartment (which until then WE had barely spent any time in either!)
• Jared got his first summer job related to his field at the Department of Natural Resources

These past two years have been amazing, and we've both grown in so many ways. I love you Jared, and I'm so glad to have you as my best friend! I look forward to all the many wonderful years to come!